Stop Trying to Fix Your Body: Change Your Relationship With It

Have you ever looked at your body and thought:

“I just need to fix this.”

Maybe you want to lose weight.

Become fitter.

Change the way your clothes fit.

Feel more comfortable when you look in the mirror.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to improve your health or change something about your body.

But sometimes, without realising it, wanting to make a change becomes believing that we are the problem that needs fixing.

We tell ourselves:

“I’ll feel confident when I lose the weight.”

“I’ll be happier when I look different.”

“I’ll start enjoying life when I feel better about my body.”

So confidence gets pushed into the future.

Self-respect becomes conditional.

And feeling good enough becomes something we believe we have to earn.

But what if we’ve got that the wrong way around?

What if a healthier relationship with your body doesn’t have to wait until your body changes?

What if it can begin today?

In the first article of our Body Image series, we explored how body image isn’t simply what you see in the mirror. It’s the perception you’ve developed through years of experiences, comparisons and learned beliefs.

This week, we’re taking the next step.

Because once you become aware of how you see yourself, another important question appears:

How do you speak to yourself about what you see?

The answer matters more than you might realise.

Your internal voice can become your harshest critic.

But it can also become one of your greatest sources of support.

And changing that relationship may be far more powerful than simply trying to change your reflection.

What You’ll Learn

By the end of this article you’ll learn:

✔ How your internal dialogue influences confidence, motivation and behaviour.

✔ Why self-compassion doesn’t mean lowering your standards.

✔ Where your inner critic may have come from.

✔ One simple way to begin creating a more supportive relationship with yourself today.

Stop Trying to Fix Yourself

Think about the language we often use when beginning a health journey.

“I need to sort myself out.”

“I’ve let myself go.”

“I need to get my body back.”

“I’ve been terrible lately.”

They can sound like harmless expressions.

But listen to the message underneath them.

Something is wrong with me.

And therefore:

I need to fix myself.

That creates an interesting starting point for change.

Before we’ve prepared a healthier meal, gone for a walk or changed a single habit, we’ve already positioned ourselves as the problem.

Now imagine approaching somebody you genuinely care about in the same way.

Perhaps they’ve been struggling.

They’re tired.

Work has been stressful.

They haven’t exercised much recently.

Their eating habits have changed.

Would your first response be:

“You’ve really let yourself go. You need to sort yourself out.”

Probably not.

You’d be far more likely to ask:

“Are you okay?”

“What’s been going on?”

“What would help?”

We instinctively understand that somebody we care about needs support.

Yet when we’re the person struggling, support can quickly turn into criticism.

Perhaps the question isn’t:

“How do I fix myself?”

Perhaps it’s:

“How can I support myself today?”

Why this matters

The way you speak to yourself doesn’t stay inside your head.

It influences what happens next.

Imagine you’ve been trying to eat differently for several weeks.

Then one evening, things don’t go to plan.

You eat far more than you intended.

One internal voice says:

“There you go again.”

“You’ve ruined it.”

“You have absolutely no willpower.”

“What’s the point?”

How do you think you’re likely to feel afterwards?

Guilty?

Disappointed?

Frustrated?

Perhaps even ashamed?

And what behaviour is likely to follow?

For some people, that criticism becomes:

“I’ve already ruined today, so I’ll start again tomorrow.”

Tomorrow becomes Monday.

Monday becomes next month.

One decision becomes evidence that they’ve failed.

Now imagine a different response.

“That wasn’t what I planned, but one evening doesn’t undo everything I’ve been doing.”

“I wonder what made things more difficult tonight?”

“What can I learn from this?”

“What’s the next choice that supports me?”

The event hasn’t changed.

But the environment around it has.

One response creates punishment.

The other creates curiosity.

And curiosity gives us something criticism often takes away:

The opportunity to learn.

The Science (Made Simple)

Self-criticism can sometimes feel motivating because it creates urgency.

We tell ourselves:

“If I’m hard enough on myself, I’ll finally change.”

But feeling bad and creating sustainable motivation aren’t the same thing.

Self-compassion offers a different approach.

At its simplest, self-compassion means responding to your own difficulties with some of the understanding, patience and support you would naturally offer another person.

It doesn’t mean ignoring mistakes.

It doesn’t mean pretending everything is fine.

And it certainly doesn’t mean giving yourself permission to abandon your goals.

It changes how you respond when things aren’t fine.

Instead of:

“I failed.”

You might think:

“That didn’t go how I wanted. What happened?”

Instead of:

“I’m useless.”

You might think:

“I’m finding this difficult at the moment.”

Instead of:

“I’ll never change.”

You might think:

“What would help me make the next choice differently?”

Research into self-compassion has linked it with greater emotional resilience and healthier responses to setbacks, rather than the idea that kindness towards ourselves simply makes us complacent.

That’s important.

Because lasting health isn’t created by never experiencing setbacks.

It’s created by learning how to respond when they happen.

Try Changing the Question

There’s a simple shift you can begin practising today.

Whenever you notice yourself thinking:

“How do I fix this?”

Try replacing it with:

“How can I support myself?”

The difference may seem small.

But the questions lead your attention in completely different directions.

“How do I fix myself?” assumes something is wrong with you.

“How can I support myself?” assumes you’re someone worth helping.

Support might mean preparing a nourishing meal.

It might mean going for a walk.

It might mean getting an earlier night.

Sometimes it might mean recognising that you’re exhausted and need to rest.

Sometimes it might mean setting a boundary.

Sometimes it might simply mean saying:

“Today was difficult. Tomorrow I can try again.”

Support doesn’t always mean choosing the easiest option.

Sometimes supporting yourself means doing something difficult because you know it’s good for you.

The difference is why you’re doing it.

You’re not punishing yourself into becoming healthier.

You’re helping yourself become healthier.

Where Did That Voice Come From?

Here’s an interesting question.

Where did you learn to speak to yourself the way you do?

Nobody is born looking in the mirror and thinking:

“My stomach isn’t flat enough.”

A child doesn’t make a mistake and automatically conclude:

“I’m a failure.”

These ideas develop over time.

Sometimes through direct comments.

Perhaps somebody criticised your appearance.

Maybe you were teased at school.

Perhaps somebody regularly commented on your weight.

But it can be much subtler than that.

You may have grown up hearing adults criticising their own bodies.

“I look terrible in this.”

“I shouldn’t eat that.”

“I need to lose weight.”

Perhaps you learned that gaining weight was something to fear.

Or that losing weight deserved praise regardless of how it happened.

Then there are the messages from advertising, magazines, television and social media.

Change this.

Hide that.

Lose this.

Correct that.

Improve yourself.

Over time, those external messages can become an internal voice.

Eventually, we stop hearing where the message came from.

It simply sounds like us.

But here’s the encouraging part.

If that voice was learned…

It can be challenged.

The Inner Critic Isn’t You

Imagine somebody followed you around all day commenting on everything you did.

You get dressed.

“That doesn’t look good on you.”

You eat something you hadn’t planned.

“You’ve ruined everything.”

You miss a workout.

“You’re so lazy.”

You look in the mirror.

“You look awful today.”

By lunchtime, you’d probably want to get as far away from that person as possible.

Yet many of us carry that voice around with us every day.

Because it’s internal, we rarely challenge it.

We assume that because the thought came from our own mind, it must be true.

But thoughts aren’t instructions.

And they’re not always facts.

Sometimes they’re simply old patterns.

The next time your inner critic appears, pause before accepting what it says.

Ask:

“Would I say this to someone I genuinely cared about?”

If the answer is no…

Why should those words automatically be acceptable when they’re directed at you?

A Lesson I’ve Learned Through Coaching

One of the things I’ve learned through coaching is that people often believe they need somebody to hold them more accountable.

Sometimes they do.

But accountability doesn’t have to mean criticism.

There’s a big difference between someone helping you recognise where you could make a better choice and someone making you feel bad because you didn’t.

The same is true of the relationship you have with yourself.

You can hold yourself accountable and still be supportive.

You can say:

“I haven’t been moving as much as I’d like recently.”

without adding:

“because I’m lazy.”

You can recognise:

“My eating habits haven’t been supporting how I want to feel.”

without turning it into:

“I’ve been terrible.”

You can acknowledge:

“I made a choice I wouldn’t make again.”

without concluding:

“I’ve failed.”

That’s an important distinction.

Because when judgement disappears, we can look at our behaviour more honestly.

Instead of defending ourselves from criticism, we can become curious.

What happened?

What made that difficult?

What could I do differently?

What support would make the healthier choice easier next time?

That’s what good coaching tries to create.

Not guilt.

Awareness.

Because once we understand our behaviour, we’re in a much stronger position to change it

Your Internal Dialogue Is Learned

Think about a sentence you regularly say to yourself.

Perhaps:

“I’m hopeless at sticking to things.”

“I’ve got no discipline.”

“I hate my body.”

“I’ll never lose this weight.”

Now ask yourself:

When did I first start believing that?

You might not know.

That’s okay.

The purpose isn’t to identify one moment and blame it for everything that followed.

It’s simply to recognise that the way you speak to yourself has a history.

Some thoughts have been repeated for so long that they feel like part of your personality.

But familiarity isn’t the same as truth.

The Body Image workshop makes an important point: negative thoughts will still appear.

The goal isn’t to somehow eliminate every critical thought.

It’s to learn how to interrupt the cycle.

Notice the thought.

Question it.

Then decide whether it’s a voice you want guiding your next decision.

Because your internal dialogue influences behaviour.

If your inner voice constantly tells you you’re failing, it’s much harder to behave like someone who believes they’re improving.

But if that voice becomes more balanced and supportive, setbacks stop becoming proof that you can’t change.

They simply become part of the process.

You Don’t Need Fake Positivity

Just like we discussed in the first article, the answer isn’t standing in front of a mirror and forcing yourself to say things you don’t believe.

“I love everything about myself.”

“My body is perfect.”

“I feel amazing.”

If those statements feel completely untrue, they may simply create another battle in your mind.

The goal isn’t constant positivity.

It’s fairness.

Instead of:

“I’m disgusting.”

try:

“I’m feeling uncomfortable with my body today.”

Instead of:

“I’ve completely failed.”

try:

“Things haven’t gone to plan today.”

Instead of:

“I’ll never change.”

try:

“I’m still learning what works for me.”

These statements aren’t pretending everything is wonderful.

They’re simply removing the unnecessary attack.

And that gives you a much better place from which to decide what happens next.

Take a Moment…

Think of one sentence you regularly say to yourself when you’re unhappy with your body or when something doesn’t go to plan.

Write it down.

Now imagine somebody you genuinely care about saying exactly the same thing about themselves.

What would you say to them?

Would you agree?

Would you criticise them further?

Or would you offer perspective?

Encouragement?

Understanding?

Now look at the sentence you wrote again.

Ask yourself:

“Why do I deserve less compassion than I would give to someone I care about?”

You don’t need to create the perfect replacement thought.

Just make it fairer.

Kinder.

More useful.

Something that helps you move forward rather than pushing you further down.

One Small Step Today

Today, catch one critical thought.

Only one.

Don’t try to monitor everything you think.

When you notice it, pause.

Then ask:

“What would someone who genuinely cared about me say right now?”

Use those words instead.

Perhaps:

“One difficult day doesn’t erase my progress.”

“I’m allowed to find this hard.”

“I can make a different choice next time.”

“I’m still learning.”

“I don’t need to punish myself for this.”

Then notice what happens next.

Not just how you feel.

Notice what you do.

Because the real value of changing your internal dialogue isn’t simply feeling better.

It’s creating an internal environment that makes healthier behaviour easier to sustain.

The Trust Health Coaching Takeaway

You don’t need to hate your body enough to change it.

You don’t need to criticise yourself into becoming healthier.

And you don’t need to wait until your body looks different before you’re allowed to treat yourself with respect.

The way you speak to yourself today matters.

Your internal voice can reinforce shame, frustration and the belief that you’re failing.

Or it can help you become curious, resilient and willing to keep going.

That doesn’t mean ignoring the things you want to change.

It means approaching them differently.

Not:

“What’s wrong with me?”

But:

“What do I need?”

Not:

“How do I fix myself?”

But:

“How can I support myself?”

Not punishment.

Support.

Not perfection.

Progress.

Because healthier habits grow far more easily when you’re working with yourself rather than against yourself.

Awareness is the first step towards meaningful change.

Continue Reading

This is the second article in our Body Image series.

If you haven’t already, begin with Understanding Body Image: Your Body Isn’t the Problem, where we explore how perception, comparison and learned ideals influence the way you see your body.

Next, we’ll take this idea further and explore a question many people rarely stop to consider:

Does being hard on yourself actually work?

We’ll look at why shame and self-criticism don’t necessarily create the discipline we expect — and why you don’t have to love everything about your body before you can begin treating it differently.

In the meantime, you can explore more practical, evidence-informed articles in the Trust Health Coaching Health Library.

In the meantime, you can explore more practical, evidence-informed articles in the Trust Health Coaching Health Library.

Or, if you’re ready to turn awareness into action, explore the REignite Your Health & Energy Programme, where you’ll learn how to build sustainable habits with structured coaching tools, practical weekly exercises and ongoing support.

Because understanding your health is only the beginning.

Living it is where the real transformation happens

Feel free to look back on the positive thinking series here: Trust Health Library

Continue Your Health Journey with REignite

Understanding your health is important.

But lasting change comes from turning that awareness into action.

The REignite Your Health & Energy Programme brings together mindset, nutrition, lifestyle, physiology and behaviour to help you understand what’s influencing your health and make practical, sustainable changes that fit your life.

It’s not about perfection.

It’s about developing greater awareness, making better choices and building habits you can actually maintain.

The information in this article is designed to educate and empower. If you’d like personalised support to put these ideas into practice, I’d be delighted to help

About Trust Health Coaching

At Trust Health Coaching, we believe people deserve to live as happy and fulfilling a life as possible.

Our mission is to cultivate awareness, helping people better understand their health so they can make small, sustainable changes that last. We cut through the noise of modern health information, turning complex ideas into practical, everyday advice that supports lasting behaviour change.

Everything you read in the Trust Health Coaching Health Library is grounded in established health science and written to remove any overwhelm and help you understand these concepts a little better. My aim is to simplify complex health information into practical advice you can confidently apply in everyday life

Looking for more practical health tips? Visit the Trust Health Library to explore more evidence-based articles on mindset, nutrition, sleep and healthy habits

References

Neff, K. D. (2003). Self-compassion: An alternative conceptualization of a healthy attitude toward oneself. Self and Identity.

Breines, J. G. & Chen, S. (2012). Self-compassion increases self-improvement motivation. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin.

Sirois, F. M., Kitner, R. & Hirsch, J. K. (2015). Self-compassion, affect, and health-promoting behaviors. Health Psychology.